Jesus & ‘his People’: A small share about a Big Challenge in my Journey w/ Jesus

I wanted nothing to do with Jesus

when I started my Seminary/ Mystic-Soul training over 21 years ago
(focused on Spiritual Practice and Development of Soul Senses & Healing).

I wanted nothing to do with Jesus.
I was disappointed – well actually devastated – that my

  • passion for finding the Way in this crazy Life,
  • hunger for Truth & Love,
  • dedication to the Divine,
  • willingness to follow the direct leading of Spirit, no matter what…

Had led to so much loss & pain – relationally and in my mind & heart.
Deep in my soul and into my body & life:  stuck, dark, broken, despairing.

I was completely pissed-off at Jesus, and I didn’t want to relate with him.

So yeah, I needed to get some space & time out of Christian Cultural & Biblical influences, to sort it out in my own soul:
it turned out to be a Bountiful Blessing to Reset my relationship with Jesus.

– Let everyone else’s stories, beliefs, paradigms… wash away.
– Let my own habits & expectations of how I perceived him, cleanse.

So I could relate to Jesus
more clearly, in my own soul, in real-time

But my Real issue with Jesus was,
I’d yet to separate the sheep from the goats:

it turned out to be a Bountiful Blessing to Disambiguate Jesus
from the BS of those who say they represent him
and I wasn’t ready to.

I Blamed Jesus,
for the Harm that I and so many others
had received at the hands of ‘his’ people.

Individuals & the ‘Church’ – in Judgment, Competition, Invalidation –
Never feeling good, right, worthy …enough.

My Big, Conscious and seemingly Insuperable issue was:
the hurtfulness, meanness, domination… of Christians,
who eat their own, and hunt their neighbor – in Jesus’ name.

I learned to fear the Power-Over games, as do so many others
– inside and outside the walls.

It took me about 6 months of deep & highly effective spiritual practice to get over that crap,
at least enough to want to play with Jesus directly in my soul.

And honestly, it took years to detox from the many layers of religious & social programing
– Roman Catholic, Protestant, Charismatic, Evangelical…(I still have some hiding in the corners 😉

For decades now, I can comfortably interface with Jesus & Spirit,
as well as Christian Culture & the Bible,
more clearly, in my own soul, in real-time.

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