this is an artifact of messy chatting with Chat-GPT – in creating the HOME month – some fun pictures in here, so I thought I would share – maybe useful to meditate though – some of it is surely crap, but maybe some diamonds in the rough 🙂
SAFETY Isn’t the Point. LIFE Is.
Friends, perhaps we don’t need quite so much of ourselves assigned to guard duty anymore.
That sentence has been sitting with me.
Because many of us have become extraordinarily good at protecting ourselves.
Watching.
Preparing.
Anticipating.
Pleasing.
Hiding.
Controlling.
Bracing.
Trying to stay one step ahead of whatever might go wrong.
Trying to keep ourselves safe.
Trying to keep the people we love safe.
Trying to make sure there is enough.
Trying to belong.
Trying not to be blindsided again.
And thank God we learned how.
Some of these patterns helped us survive.
Some helped us belong when belonging was essential.
Some protected something tender when we didn’t yet have other resources.
Some remain wise and useful today.
Protection is not the enemy.
But sometimes, long after an immediate danger has passed, enormous amounts of us remain assigned to guard duty.
And eventually…
protection can begin stealing the very Life it was created to protect.
There is a whole Person under all that protection.
This is what moves me.
Under the vigilance.
Under the hiding.
Under the pleasing.
Under the preparing.
Under the shrinking and bracing and anticipating and controlling.
Under all the brilliant ways we’ve learned to keep ourselves going…
there is a whole Person.
Not a better person we need to manufacture.
Not a sufficiently healed person we might someday earn the right to become.
Us.
And I wonder sometimes how much of ourselves we’ve never gotten to meet because so much of our energy has been required elsewhere.
What delights you?
What do you want?
What does your body enjoy?
What makes you laugh?
What do you notice when you’re not scanning?
What would you create?
Who might you become close to?
What might you risk?
What would you say?
Where would you go?
What would you contribute?
What sacred dreams have been waiting underneath the practical necessities of survival?
There may be an extraordinary amount of Person underneath all that protection.
When protection begins stealing Life
The cost isn’t theoretical.
It’s Tuesday afternoon.
Nothing terrible is happening.
No tiger is chasing us.
Nobody is breaking down the door.
Maybe we’re sitting somewhere beautiful with someone we love.
And still…
we can’t quite arrive.
Part of us is preparing for later.
Reviewing before.
Watching everybody.
Scanning the horizon.
Solving imaginary problems.
Rehearsing conversations.
Planning contingencies for our contingencies.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Our bodies remain braced.
Our minds remain busy.
Our attention remains somewhere other than here.
And so the danger may be imaginary, remembered or somewhere in the future…
but the suffering is happening right now.
We lose this afternoon.
This conversation.
This cup of coffee.
This tree.
This body.
This ridiculous joke.
This person we love.
This fucking minute.
We can become so devoted to protecting Life that we have very little opportunity to actually LIVE it.
And here is the particularly painful paradox…
Sometimes our attempts to keep ourselves safe can actually make us less safe.
Think about a fire alarm.
Its usefulness depends upon its ability to tell us something important.
FIRE.
But what if the alarm rings when somebody makes toast?
And when the refrigerator turns on?
And when a truck passes?
And when the wind blows?
And when nothing whatsoever is happening?
Eventually there is so much alarm that the alarm itself becomes part of the problem.
If every sound is the fire alarm, how do we recognize the fire?
Something similar can happen within us.
Our thoughts are shouting.
Our emotions are shouting.
Our nervous system is shouting.
Old experiences are shouting.
Imagined futures are shouting.
Protective habits are shouting.
Everything that could go wrong demands attention.
And there can become so much noise that we have less capacity to perceive the signal.
What is actually happening?
Here.
Now.
With.
Is there danger?
Is there opportunity?
What information is available?
What am I perceiving?
What belongs to me?
What do I need?
What action is appropriate?
Sometimes chronic vigilance isn’t heightened perception.
Sometimes it is perception overwhelmed by noise.
Safety does not mean lowering the drawbridge.
Cultivating Safety does NOT mean becoming naive.
It doesn’t mean:
Trust everybody.
Ignore your instincts.
Stop preparing.
Don’t lock the door.
Everything is fine.
Nothing bad will happen.
Just relax.
Fuck that.
Sometimes danger is real.
Sometimes circumstances genuinely are unsafe.
Sometimes we need to leave.
Protect ourselves.
Ask for help.
Set a boundary.
Secure resources.
Take action.
External Safety matters.
But responding appropriately to reality requires that we can perceive reality.
We want access to our senses.
Our body.
Our emotions.
Our reason.
Our experience.
Our soul perception.
Our agency.
Our capacity to notice what is actually happening.
Safety isn’t about becoming less attentive to danger.
Cultivating Safety can help make us available for discernment.
Available to perceive.
Choose.
Act.
Rest when rest is possible.
Move when movement is needed.
Say YES.
Say NO.
Recognize danger without having to live in danger every fucking minute.
So what if Safety could also begin within?
We usually think about Safety from the outside in.
Shelter.
Money.
Food.
Healthcare.
Security.
Reliable people.
Belonging.
Stable circumstances.
These things matter enormously.
Inner work is not a substitute for material resources, sane relationships or getting ourselves out of actual danger.
And…
external circumstances are not the whole experience of Safety.
We can have a home and never quite feel at home.
We can have enough and remain organized around scarcity.
We can be welcomed and brace for rejection.
We can lie in a comfortable bed and remain unable to deeply rest.
We can continually scan, anticipate, accommodate, prepare, push, protect, please and control.
Sometimes no amount of reassurance from outside reaches the place inside that does not know Safety.
That interests me.
Because perhaps Safety is not only something we secure.
Perhaps Safety is also something we can cultivate.
From Inside → OUT
This is where Soul Practice enters.
We don’t begin primarily by analyzing every reason we became unsafe.
And we don’t start by demanding that the body calm down.
We go within.
Below everyday consciousness.
We learn to perceive and work there.
And we practice with the energy and experience of Safety itself.
What is Safety?
Can I perceive it?
Can I experience it?
Can I receive it?
Can I make room for it?
Can I cultivate it?
What happens within me when I do?
Not:
I SHOULD feel safe.
Not:
Nothing bad is going to happen.
Not even necessarily:
I AM safe.
We don’t have to convince ourselves of anything.
We practice.
We experience.
We notice.
We cultivate.
And what begins deep within can increasingly move throughout soul…
into body and mind…
and eventually into the way we participate in Life.
Inside → OUT.
The Blessing AND the Practice of Safety
This distinction matters to me.
Soul Shift is both receptive and participatory.
There is Blessing.
And there is Practice.
We receive.
And we participate.
The receptive movement can be wonderfully alive:
Letting in.
Letting go.
Letting go and letting in.
Accepting what is.
Becoming willing to move when moved.
Following from deep within.
And there is active participation too.
Sometimes we need to move some inner furniture.
Clean out the attic.
Consolidate some crap in the basement.
Tinker with the car so the thing gets better gas mileage.
We change habits.
Make room.
Shift conditions.
Choose differently.
Lead from deep within.
Neither requires forcing ourselves.
We can receive the Blessing of Safety…
AND participate in creating conditions where Safety can increasingly live.
We don’t rip off the armor.
This may be one of the most important parts.
If protection helped us survive, attacking it isn’t particularly kind.
Nor is it particularly sensible.
We don’t yell:
STOP IT!
at the frightened, vigilant, protective parts of ourselves.
We don’t shame the hiding.
Fight the fear.
Demand relaxation.
Rip away the armor.
Drag the frightened parts into the sunlight and insist that they BLOOM.
That would hardly create Safety.
Instead…
we tend.
We cultivate conditions.
Safety.
Again.
Safety.
Again.
Safety.
Again.
We marinate in the Blessing & Practice of Safety.
We soak the house.
And perhaps, gradually, the internal fire alarms don’t need to ring quite so loudly.
Our nervous system begins receiving different information.
Our emotional habits can begin changing.
Thoughts may become less dominated by threat.
Protective patterns can become less necessary.
The fist loosens a little.
The shoulders drop.
The hiding place doesn’t seem quite so necessary.
Something peeks out.
Something stretches.
Something wants.
Something laughs.
Something plays.
Something remembers:
Oh.
I’m ALIVE.
We aren’t trying to pry open the flower.
I love this distinction because it reaches far beyond Safety.
You don’t make a flower bloom by prying open its petals.
You tend the conditions.
Soil.
Water.
Light.
Nourishment.
Protection.
Space.
And then Life does something astonishing with what you’ve provided.
Perhaps we can approach ourselves similarly.
We don’t need to attack every symptom.
We don’t have to hunt down every contraction and eradicate it.
We can also ask:
What conditions does Life need here?
Rather than:
How do I stop being anxious?
What happens if I cultivate Safety?
Rather than:
How do I stop being hypervigilant?
What becomes possible as Safety becomes increasingly available within me?
Rather than:
How do I force myself to relax?
Can I create conditions in which some part of me discovers that it no longer needs to work quite so hard?
We aren’t prying ourselves open.
We’re tending the conditions in which we can BLOOM.
Imagine getting some of yourself back.
Consider how much energy it takes to remain perpetually braced.
Scanning.
Anticipating.
Defending.
Performing.
Controlling.
Pleasing.
Preparing.
Holding.
Hiding.
Forcing.
Trying to make ourselves okay.
Trying to make everyone else okay so that we can finally be okay.
Those patterns may have been extraordinarily intelligent adaptations.
But imagine if even a little less of you needed to do them.
Where might that energy go?
Into creativity?
Relationship?
Pleasure?
Discernment?
Rest?
Play?
Service?
Learning?
Sacred perception?
Desire?
Adventure?
Your dreams?
Your becoming?
Your Life?
This is why Safety matters.
Not because being calm is the pinnacle of human existence.
Not because we’re trying to become placid little people who are never disturbed.
We’re cultivating ground from which more of ourselves can become available.
Safety can give us room to choose.
There is another kind of freedom hiding here.
Human beings make enormous numbers of choices in response to carrots and sticks.
Fear.
Reward.
Punishment.
Belonging.
Expectation.
Approval.
Identity.
Momentum.
Old agreements.
Cultural conditioning.
Survival.
Sometimes we believe we’re choosing freely while forces below everyday consciousness have already narrowed the choices enormously.
Again, this isn’t a moral failure.
It’s human.
But when survival is driving the bus, freedom can become very small.
We do what we must.
Adapt.
Comply.
Protect.
Hide.
React.
Survive.
Those capacities are gifts when they’re needed.
But surviving and flourishing are not the same thing.
As we cultivate Safety, perhaps a little more room becomes available.
Room to perceive.
Room to discern.
Room to choose.
Room to ask:
What is organizing my choice right now?
And eventually:
What do I choose to organize my participation?
That is agency.
Not control over Life.
Increasing freedom in how we meet it.
There is more of YOU here.
This may be the part I care about most.
Because underneath the protection isn’t merely a calmer nervous system.
There is you.
Your perceptions.
Your humor.
Your weirdness.
Your tenderness.
Your desires.
Your gifts.
Your body.
Your knowing.
Your sexuality.
Your creativity.
Your capacity for relationship.
Your sacred dreams.
Your particular way of participating in this extraordinary experiment of being alive.
And maybe some of that has been hidden for a very long time.
Not because something went wrong with you.
Because other things were necessary.
But necessity does not have to own the rest of your Life.
Perhaps you don’t need quite so much of yourself assigned to guard duty anymore.
Perhaps a little of you can come home.
HOME
Home is where the heart is.
Where we are safe, comfortable, at ease.
Where we can relax and be ourselves.
Where we are loved just as we are — and just as we are not.
Some of us experienced that early.
Some experienced pieces of it.
Some found it later.
Some barely experienced it at all.
But perhaps it’s not too late to begin creating more of it within.
A HOME where our body-soul increasingly becomes a trusted ally rather than an adversary.
Where more of ourselves is welcome.
My body.
My needs.
My emotions.
My desires.
My gifts.
My strangeness.
My uncertainty.
My strength.
My tenderness.
My knowing.
My soul.
Me.
Perhaps HOME doesn’t ultimately mean:
Nothing can hurt me here.
Perhaps it means something more resilient:
More of me can live here.
Safety isn’t the point. LIFE is.
This is the bottom line for me.
Safety isn’t the point. LIFE is.
Safety is a condition we’re cultivating
so we can emerge, perceive, choose, act,
participate, connect, create, become.
Yes, it is useful to find ourselves becoming less:
hiding & helpless,
contracted & controlling,
as we marinate in the Blessing & Practice of Safety.
But this is vital:
becoming more
awake & aware,
responsive & resilient,
so we find ourselves increasingly
freed-up enough to fully LIVE.
Because we deserve more than survival.
We deserve rest.
Joy.
Pleasure.
Connection.
Choice.
Creation.
Contribution.
Adventure.
Becoming.
We deserve the opportunity to discover how much Person has been hiding underneath all that protection.
We deserve to BLOOM.
We deserve to be ALIVE.
So we begin here.
Not by ripping off the armor.
Not by fighting ourselves.
Not by forcing open the flower.
We begin by tending the conditions.
By cultivating Safety from deep within.
One small practice at a time.
And discovering what Life does with the room.
Come PLAY.